My grades aren’t slipping - but I am

Molly Froude

Hold the Lift! has been quieter than usual over the last few weeks, and I think it’s because we have all been feeling pretty snowed under, or if not, a little bit burnt out. That’s natural - we all get that from time to time, and university isn’t easy to begin with, whether you have a disability or not, especially during a pandemic!

It made me think about a conversation I had with my friend in Amsterdam, which the title actually came from. It’s something I said to him. He is a tutor for students in the Netherlands who just need a little extra support sometimes. He’s of the view that a lot of them are in fact very intelligent, and very capable, but still need a bit extra help; maybe even as a result of this. He’s a very firm believer in the idea that if children and young people are performing in school, then they are fine, even if the truth is, they’re really not.

I find my friend absolutely fascinating to talk to. Plus his Dutch accent is very pleasant on the ear! He told me he got the feeling that I was one of these kids in school. I said I wasn’t so sure about that, but I did tell him a story about when I was in the Sixth Form. I was still quite new to my MS diagnosis, and also I have had mental health problems for most of my life. Family problems were getting increasingly bad, as they had been for several years at this point. They were pretty bad towards the end of my school life, which wasn’t helped with the pressure of exams. I wasn’t super smart, but I felt like there were a lot of expectations of me from both my peers, and from my teachers.

It was at a Parents’ Evening when I was in Year 12 (remember those?!) and our Sixth Form mentor, who was absolutely great, to be fair to her, had these little feedback sheet for the students about how they were finding A Levels so far. I was really finding it tough, and said so on my feedback sheet that I felt like I was drowning and I wanted some more support. The mentor came up to me a few days later to talk to it.

“I was surprised, to be honest, Molly,” she said. “I just got the impression you were OK. You know, you seem fine, and your grades are fine. They’re not slipping at all.”

When I spoke to my friend, I said “I felt like saying, ‘My grades aren’t slipping, but I am.’”

I really wanted to write this article about now. I have just finished my exams, for a start, which were mega intense, and I’m still exhausted! And also I get the feeling that a lot of people feel this way at the moment. I wanted to reassure anyone who reads this that you are 100% not alone. Not many people can say they have completed a good proportion of their degree during a global pandemic, where the style and delivery of teaching had to change virtually overnight. All things considered, I think everyone is doing really well to keep going as long as they can. There is more to life than a grade, after all.

Of course, with university, there is a lot more financial commitment, and dare I say, time commitment at stake than during A Levels. I totally understand this, but it doesn’t mean that we don’t feel ourselves sinking sometimes. You don’t need to have a disability or mental health problem to understand that. And whilst a grade is worth a lot; in some cases, one h*ck of a lot, but it’s not worth more than your wellbeing.

You’ve totally got this. Don’t give up.