I am not a Fraud

Molly Froude

Disability seems to be one of these things where seeing really is believing. While there are often no visible indicators that a person has a disability, society is geared to only accept disabled people who show their disability physically. Accessible bathrooms still show the figure with a wheelchair on the door despite those facilities being used by a variety of people who need them. This then leads to people with genuine access needs feeling like frauds for having to use the services they need. Some even get harassed in public for ‘faking’ their disability. I have been glared at so many times for using the disabled toilet by bystanders when there has been someone else waiting for the use of that toilet. What I find interesting though, is when I apologise for keeping the person waiting, they are never the ones who have an issue with it - it's the people around us who seem to think that they know best about who is disabled and who isn't.

Sometimes I find myself in a lot of pain, and sometimes when I say “I can’t do that today; it’s too much,” it’s because I am so tired that my body feels too heavy to manoeuvre. Sometimes I need aids to walk and sometimes I do not, and sometimes I can go days without needing any pain relief and others I need to dose up before I can function. None of this makes my disability any less valid.

The widespread acceptance that disabilities may not be visible is very recent. It was a revolutionary change when some of the supermarkets changed the sign on their disabled toilets to have a wheelchair and two people standing, with the caption “Not all disabilities are visible.” More and more places are adopting the name of ‘accessible toilet’ instead of ‘disabled toilet’ for a similar reason. The Sunflower lanyard campaign allows people with invisible disabilities to show they may need help accessing services in shops and on public transport. However, institutional changes still haven’t been made to level the playing field.

One way that invisible disabilities are stigmatised is through the benefits system. The process is painstakingly long winded, as if it were designed to intimidate people out of applying in the first place. One individual reported that the assessment for Personal Independence Payment (PIP), which was introduced in 2013, made her want to 'end her life' (. Having a disability is stressful enough without these added hurdles to try and receive any sort of help. So to go through that whole process with a wealth of evidence and being given some nonsense reason as to why you didn’t qualify must be heartbreaking. I’ve never applied for any sort of disability benefit myself - partially because I fear the rejection as I am almost certain I would not qualify, but also because I am fortunate in that I do not rely on these to survive, since the majority of the time I am well enough to work. However, the amount of people I know who are genuinely unwell who have been refused benefits is crushing.

Accessing facilities can also be a challenge. I sometimes use the disabled/accessible toilets when out and about. Due to the changing nature of my condition, I sometimes have a walking frame with me. However even when I don’t, my disability can cause me to need the toilet urgently without any warning, so I need to use the accessible bathroom. As I have said, the amount of times I have left the toilet and felt the need to apologise to the person waiting outside (who, in my experiences, has never judged me for it, and simply said ‘That’s OK, love’), only to be met by glares from those around me is laughable. In an attempt to ‘support’ the ‘real’ disabled people, those who judge create more stigma. I always tell myself that next time it happens I’ll wave my medical ID necklace at them, and tell them that I used that toilet because I have MS, and it was the choice between using the accessible toilet or having an accident in the middle of the supermarket foyer. My disability doesn’t change with the addition of my walking frame, but people’s attitudes do. If I brought my walking frame with me to avoid these scenarios, even when I don’t strictly need to, would that make me a fraud?

People’s attitudes are some of the worst barriers people with invisible disabilities face. I was discussing this article with other members of the Disabled Students Society at UCLan and one of them told a story about how she was accused of being drunk by a paramedic who had been called because she had suffered from a non-epileptic seizure during school, when she was fourteen years old. She also recalled her teacher mocking her for a bad grade she had got in an exam which she had fitted in the middle of, in front of the whole class. The worst part is everyone in the group had a story or six like this. Sometimes experiences like this and attitudes towards our disabilities can be just as debilitating as the disabilities themselves.

Life with a disability is already painful, exhausting, and difficult. Feeling the need to constantly validate ourselves and fight for the extra help we may need without people questioning it just makes things harder. Imposter syndrome is real when you have an invisible impairment, but it is important to remember that we are still important, and we are still humans too. We didn’t ask for any of this, so it’s really lovely to meet people who do have an open mind to internal struggles that are not obvious to the human eye. Sometimes I need to tell myself and others with disabilities that we are not being drama queens, and we shouldn't downplay our problems. Just because someone else might have it worse does not make our problems any less real. Unfortunately, until attitudes change, there will be plenty of other people to tell us otherwise.

Luxon, D (2020) PIP payments: 'The disability benefits assessment made me want to end my life' Cambridgeshire Live 19th August Available at: https://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/news/cambridge-news/dwp-benefits-suicide-capita-lockdown-18790482 (20/08/20)